Pirate Resume

Jump to Comments

Since th’ gold be not washin’ up on me shores, an’ me not chargin’ fer me tall tale tellin’ ways just as yet, I been on th’ lookout fer employment. T’ tha’ end I be writin’ an’ rewritin’ me resume. In workin’ it over I decided it be needed more o’ a swashbucklin’ feel. An’ so here be me Pirate Resume. Hire as ye see fit.

Captain Cookie

Objective: I’ll be combinin’ me scallywag trainin’ wi’ me world travlin’ an’ me tale tellin’ skills to acquire more gold, silver an’ bennies. An’ to sail the seven seas. Yaaaaarrrrghh!

.

Qualifications

• Wee sea pup wrastlin’
• Captain to many a ship, two wheeled, three wheeled, and four wheeled included
• Can gab at large squadrons o’ swabbies
• Can tell tales as tall as they’re true
• Sea shanty singin’

Work Experience

Vespa Wench

• Sellin’ scooters to swabbies an’ landlubbers alike
• Greetin’ bilge rats
• Tellin’ off the scurvy dogs of the DMV

Book Wench

• Sellin’ piraty books
• Keepin’ track o’ the coin
• Entertainin’ th’ squadrons ‘til Cap’n Potter be settin’ sail

Ghost Wench

• Tellin’ tales
• Keepin’ th’ Piratey ways alive
• Scarin’ th’ swashbucklers and the landlubbers alike

Sea Pup Wrangler

• Knife fightin’
• Desk throwin’
• Daily readin’ to promote pillagin’ ways

Word Wench

• Tellin’ tales
• Convincin’ swashbucklers to tell their tales

Book Larnin’

Bachelors of Arts in Wench Studies Cum Laude

Bachelors of Arts in Old Lies & Tall Tales Cum Laude

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized