Pirate Resume

Since th’ gold be not washin’ up on me shores, an’ me not chargin’ fer me tall tale tellin’ ways just as yet, I been on th’ lookout fer employment. T’ tha’ end I be writin’ an’ rewritin’ me resume. In workin’ it over I decided it be needed more o’ a swashbucklin’ feel. An’ so here be me Pirate Resume. Hire as ye see fit.

Captain Cookie

Objective: I’ll be combinin’ me scallywag trainin’ wi’ me world travlin’ an’ me tale tellin’ skills to acquire more gold, silver an’ bennies. An’ to sail the seven seas. Yaaaaarrrrghh!

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Qualifications

• Wee sea pup wrastlin’
• Captain to many a ship, two wheeled, three wheeled, and four wheeled included
• Can gab at large squadrons o’ swabbies
• Can tell tales as tall as they’re true
• Sea shanty singin’

Work Experience

Vespa Wench

• Sellin’ scooters to swabbies an’ landlubbers alike
• Greetin’ bilge rats
• Tellin’ off the scurvy dogs of the DMV

Book Wench

• Sellin’ piraty books
• Keepin’ track o’ the coin
• Entertainin’ th’ squadrons ‘til Cap’n Potter be settin’ sail

Ghost Wench

• Tellin’ tales
• Keepin’ th’ Piratey ways alive
• Scarin’ th’ swashbucklers and the landlubbers alike

Sea Pup Wrangler

• Knife fightin’
• Desk throwin’
• Daily readin’ to promote pillagin’ ways

Word Wench

• Tellin’ tales
• Convincin’ swashbucklers to tell their tales

Book Larnin’

Bachelors of Arts in Wench Studies Cum Laude

Bachelors of Arts in Old Lies & Tall Tales Cum Laude

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1 Comment

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One response to “Pirate Resume

  1. Jar

    Word Wench! Nice! I’m expecting any day now Word 2008 for Mac, so I’ll get on revising the resume. Though this looks really good!

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